my mouth tastes like poor choices
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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