I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
