I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
