So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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