I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
