my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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