He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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