coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
