everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
