There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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