I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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