Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
