You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
