does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
