Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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