I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
