I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
