After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think I am morally bankrupt
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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