He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize