He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
