I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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