my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
