get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
