she was so not down for the gang bang
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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