i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So squirting runs in the family.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
