do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
