i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
