I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
