so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
