i think my mom watched the whole time
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize