Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
