By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
