I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
