Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize