Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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