is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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