We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
