Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
