Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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