I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
