im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So much Jack, so little girl.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
