There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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