You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
