After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
