You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
