update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize