Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
