Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my phone needs a breathalizer
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i love accidental penises.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
