4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
