At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
