I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she peed on how many people?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
