If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize