i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
