You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
