you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
