Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize