can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
