It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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