Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
