dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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