I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
