What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
