he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize