Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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